***Warning: This post contains some nudity. Viewer discretion is advised.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are here at the OHM Nightclub in Hollywood, California and welcome to the 30th Annual XRCO Awards Show, the world’s largest private adult industry party. It’s a big night for pornography! Oh wait. Every night is a big night for pornography for all you perverts, so what’s all the fuzz about? Well, it is because we will finally see the porn stars we know and fantasize about… all dressed up! How exciting.
If you haven’t heard of the XRCO before, then let me tell you what it is.”XRCO” stands for X-Rated Critics Organization. It was founded in 1984, it is a circle of adult industry insiders that hold an awards show each year that celebrates the excellence and achievement of people in this business who worked their butts off (no pun intended). It is one of the major adult awards show in the US, the others being the AVN (Adult Video News) Awards and the XBIZ Awards. Let’s just say that if the AVN is the Oscars, the XBIZ is the Golden Globe, then the XRCO Awards is the Critic’s Choice Awards. Winners are judged by those guys who make a living out of watching porn, those guys you wish were you.
The 30th Annual XRCO Awards is a low-key event that is not open to the general public. It is exclusive only to the voting members of the XRCO and the people who are in the adult industry. The room gets filled with eye candies and the ratio of ugly men to bombshell women is 1:3. Believe it. It’s rarer than the phenomenon of having the stars,the moon, the planets and all the pimples on my face align.
Just what kind of awards do they give out in this event? Well, they have the usual Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Director awards, there are Hall of Fame presentations, but it gets more exciting. There are the Best Cumback Award (like Best Comeback, except it’s spelled like that because it’s more uhhm… seminal fluid-ishy); the MILF of the Year Award which is given to the mature hot mamas; the Superslut Award (mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the sluttiest of them all?); the Orgasmic Oralist and Orgasmic Analist Awards, which I love because they sound so fancy and eloquent that you can write them on your resumes; and so on.
Here’s the complete list of awards, its nominees and winners for the 30th Annual XRCO Awards Show, courtesy of XRCO:
BEST RELEASE (shot on film, digital, or video)
Broken Hearts, Smash Pictures
Daddy’s Girls – Girlfriends Films
Divorcees – Wicked Pictures
The Perfect Secretary 3: New Recruit – Adam & Eve Pictures
Performer of the Year 2013 – Elegant Angel
The Submission of Emma Marx – New Sensations – WINNER
The Temptation of Eve – New Sensations
Truth Be Told – Skow Digital/Girlfriends Films
Bridesmaids – Digital Playground
Code Of Honor – Digital Playground
Devil on a Chain – Vivid Entertainment Group
The Madison’s Mad Mad Circus – Juicy Entertainment
The New Behind The Green Door – Vivid Entertainment Group
Underworld – Wicked Pictures – WINNER
BEST PARODY (Comedy)
Clerks XXX: A Porn Parody – Vivid Entertainment Group
Grease XXX A Parody – Adam & Eve Pictures – WINNER
Just In Beaver Fever – Devil’s Films
Love Boat XXX – X-Play/Adam & Eve Pictures
Not South Park XXX – X-Play/Pulse
Not The Wizard Of Oz XXX – X Play/Pulse
This Ain’t Star Trek 3 XXX 3D- Hustler
The Walking Dead: A Hardcore Parody – Burning Angel/Vouyer
BEST PARODY (Drama)
Gia: Lesbian Supermodel – Girl Candy/AEBN/Pulse
The Lone Ranger XXX – Extreme Comixxx
OMG … It’s the Leaving Las Vegas XXX Parody – Septo Productions – WINNER
This Ain’t Diehard XXX 3D – Hustler
BEST PARODY (Comic)
Iron Man XXX – VividXXXSuperheroes
Man Of Steel XXX –VividXXXSuperheroes – WINNER
Thor XXX – VividXXXSuperheroes
Wolverine XXX: An Axel Braun Parody – VividXXXSuperheroes
The XXX Adventures of Hawkman & Hawkgirl -Extreme Comixxx
BEST GONZO MOVIE
Anikka – Hard X/Mile High
Battle of the Asses #5 – Elegant Angel
The Gangbang of Bonnie Rotten – Digital Sin
No Cum Dodging Allowed #13 – Mike John/Jules Jordan
Remy LaCroix’s Anal Cabo Weekend – LeWood/Evil Angel – WINNER
Threesome Fantasies Fulfilled – Digital Sin
BEST GONZO SERIES
Wet Asses – Jules Jordan Video – WINNER
Day With A Pornstar – Brazzers
Gangbanged – Elegant Angel
Oil Overload – Jules Jordan Video
Raw – Manuel Ferrara/Evil Angel
Slutty & Sluttier – Manuel Ferrara/Evil Angel
Spin, Suck, & Fuck – Immoral Productions
BEST GIRL/GIRL SERIES
Belladonna: No Warning – Belladonna/Evil Angel
Girlfriends – Third Degree Films
Girls Kissing Girls – Sweetheart/Mile High
Meow – Jules Jordan
Mommy & Me – Filly Films
We Live Together – Reality Kings
Women Seeking Women – Girlfriends Films – WINNER
BEST POV SERIES
Barely Legal POV – Hustler Video
Housewife 1 On 1 – Naughty America/Pure Play
Let Me Suck You – Elegant Angel
Panty Pops – Kevin Moore/Evil Angel
POV Pervert – Jules Jordan – WINNER
Schoolgirl POV – New Sensations
Tanlines – Kevin Moore/Evil Angel
BEST ETHNIC SERIES
8th Street Latinas – Reality Kings
Asian Fuck Faces – Darkko Productions/Evil Angel – WINNER
Big Ass Brazilian Butts – Reality Kings
Big Black Wet Asses – Elegant Angel Productions
Black Owned – Jules Jordan
Latin Adultery – Naughty America/Pure Play
Latina Sex Tapes – MOFOS
BEST DIRECTOR (Features)
Jacky St. James- WINNER
BEST DIRECTOR (Non-Features)
Mason – WINNER
Tim Von Swine
BEST DIRECTOR (Parody)
Will Ryder – WINNER
BEST WEB DIRECTOR
Brando – Brazzers
Shelby Black – Naughty America
Ivan – Puba
Greg Lansky – Reality Kings – WINNER
Brother Love – Porn Pros
Jessica drake – Underworld – Wicked Pictures
Allie Haze – Clerks XXX: A Porn Parody – Vivid Entertainment Group
Jesse Jane – Code Of Honor – Digital Playground
Remy LaCroix, The Temptation of Eve – New Sensations Erotic Stories – WINNER
Brooklyn Lee – The New Behind the Green Door – Vivid Entertainment Group
Maddy O’Reilly – Not The Wizard Of Oz XXX – X Play/Pulse
Penny Pax – The Submission of Emma Marx – New Sensations Erotic Stories
Richie Calhoun – The Submission of Emma Marx – New Sensations Erotic Stories – WINNER
Xander Corvus – The Temptation of Eve – New Sensations
Mark Davis – Nobody’s Daughter – Hard Candy/AEBN/Pulse
Ryan Driller – Man Of Steel XXX –VividXXXSuperheroes
Tommy Pistol – Evil Head – BurningAngel/Vouyer
Steven St. Croix – Truth Be Told – Skow Digital
Evan Stone – Daddy’s Girls – Girlfriends Films
FEMALE PERFORMER OF THE YEAR
Remy LaCroix – WINNER
MALE PERFORMER OF THE YEAR
Manuel Ferrara – WINNER
Steven St. Croix
A.J. Applegate – WINNER
Tyler Nixon – WINNER
Vicki Chase – WINNER
Johnny Castle – WINNER
Mia Malkova – WINNER
Bonnie Rotten – WINNER
Vicki Chase – WINNER
Jada Stevens – WINNER
MILF OF THE YEAR
Francesca Le – WINNER
Sunny Lane – WINNER
MAINSTREAM ADULT MEDIA FAVORITE
James Deen – WINNER
XRCO HALL OF FAME
Brigitte Lahaie – Film Pioneer
Axel Braun – Director
Rebecca Bardoux – Actress
Tera Patrick – Actress
Stormy Daniels – Actress
Taylor Wane – Actress
Mark Wood – Actor
Tony Montana – Actor
Slave To Love – Rosebud – Alex DeRenzy – Best Movie (1993)
And now, the red carpet photos. Enjoy!
So how does it feel like to be surrounded by porn stars? To have beautiful, attractive, sexy, sultry, seductive, erotic women everywhere you look? To smell the scent of adultery, glamour, money and vagina juice all at the same time? One word: overwhelming. Two words: fucking awesome. Three words: suck my di… okay bleep! Bleep! Bleep! Take me down to the paradise city where the carpet is red and the girls are pretty. Oh won’t you please take me home! XRCO is Paradise City. XRCO is home.
Congratulations to all the winners! Everyone of you deserves a standing ovation… inside our pants! HALLLOOOO!!!! Okay, please pardon my overused punch line.
Please forgive the uncensored photos and language used in this article. This site will remain wholesome as it has always been. Wink.
Tanya Tate is the hottest pornstar in the universe. See more of her on http://tanyatate.com/
September 10, 2012. Warm day in LA. I learned the previous night from my friend that Emma Watson will be in Hollywood for the red carpet premiere of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Wow. Emma Watson. I’ve always wanted to meet her in person. Five years ago she had a tattoo of my face on her leg. Well, not really. I photoshopped it obviously but seriously, it would be a great honor to finally meet this talented young lady and possibly hear her speak in that super cute accent of hers. Excited. Yiiiii!!!
So off to the Arclight Cinerama Dome I went. Zooom. I’ve been going to a lot of these events lately for my photography hobby. I usually go later in the afternoon, this time I got there a little too early, around 1:30 pm. Celebrity arrivals won’t begin until after 6 (too excited, I am!). There were a little less than 20 people waiting, some with their huge Emma Watson photos ready to be signed. Some were ready for battle, battling the sun that is. They had those huge umbrellas to protect their silky smooth skin while waiting in line for hours. I didn’t. No protection for my silky smooth skin then. Sh*t. All I had was an SLR camera and some lenses, plus sandwich and water in case I got hungry. It was hot. Arghh. I wasn’t new to gala premieres so I knew what to do: make friends with everyone around you. You will not feel the heat nor the boredom. So socialize, socialize, blah blah, tell them about your life stories, blah blah. I met Michelle and her sister, I then saw my friend Brenda, met her friend John, met some more people, blah blah, look at the clock, blah blah some more and voila! It’s go time.
We noticed that a lot of people had cut in front of the line, they were “friends” of those people in front. And then those friends had friends, and those friends had friends. Wow suddenly we’ve gotten farther and farther from the front. These people by the way, were the “graphers.” They’re the most notorious gang in LA. Just kidding. They’re the ones who sell their autographed pictures for a living so if you keep going to these events, you’ll pretty much see the same faces again and again. I think it makes good money, maybe I should try it. Nah. Anyways, I don’t see any problems with them, just don’t freaking cut the line! Good thing was that the SEM guys (Security and Events Management?) sorted us out and prioritized us, the innocent souls with halos on top of our heads. They gave us wristbands. Wow. Wristbands. Of all the red carpet events I’ve been to, I’ve never had a wristband. Usually, you just stay in the same spot until the actors arrive and hope they come your way so you can take good pictures or autographs. Or kisses and hugs if you’re the type who expects too much. No wristbands whatsoever. Right then and there I had a feeling… that tonight’s gonna be a good night. That tonight’s gonna be a good good night. Woohoo.
After giving us the wristbands, they pointed to us the direction where we should go and guess what? It’s right by the red carpet! Ahhhh!!! And it’s just a few meters from the drop off site so we’re gonna be the first to greet them! Ahhh!!! The professional photographers were setting up their equipment right in front of us. What did that mean? That we had a really great spot indeed. What else?! That our faces will be flooding celebrity gossip websites the next day. Ya know, those celebrity pics with people in the background who look so happy… that would be us! I looked to my side and the girls were applying foundation. I guess they figured that out too haha. Me, well, I stayed under the sun for hours, I was sweaty as hell and my skin had turned to charcoal. Psh. Why should I care? I’m a guy. *turn around, apply foundation too*
The photographers were set, the lights were on. They’re handed out the list of celebrities coming. Now to tell you honestly, I didn’t really know much about the people coming other than Emma, Kate Walsh, and Dylan McDermott. The main cast of the movie were mostly young actors (it’s about high schoolers, go figure) so I will just be hoping that they make it big someday. Good luck guys. Alright now, take practice shots.
Hello another interviewer!
Hello super good looking man!
Wonk wonk. Okay forget about that last picture. Now some interviews.
Anticipation. Anticipation. We’re getting there.
We’re almost there.
Alright in 3…2…1…
HERE WE GO!!! First arrival. Beautiful girl with long hair in a white dress. It’s Lindsey Shaw from Pretty Little Liars! How did I know?! Well, with each celebrity is a promoter holding a piece of paper with the name of that particular celebrity, it also shows a title of a movie or TV show on which s/he appeared. The promoter will walk before the celeb, put this paper up and photographers will then take a picture of it before shooting the celeb so they will not be confused in captioning later on.
This piece of paper helped a lot, it made me feel like I know all of them haha. When the photographers get the celeb’s name, they will scream it at the top of their lungs to get his/her attention. “Look to your left!” “To your right!” “Let me see those lovely eyes!” One guy shouting this can be fine, but imagine dozens of photographers shouting all at the same time. It’s crazy! Add to that all the flashes. Wow. And right then and there, I felt it. This is it. This is really it! This is… HOLLYWOOD!!! *goosebumps*
I realized by now that being right in front of the cameras had a downside: it’s hard to get a good picture coz the celeb’s backs are towards you while they’re striking that Hollywood pose. I still managed to get some shots but not as good as I wanted. Plan B. Take out the hidden weapon: my small digicam. I’m gonna take pictures WITH them rather than OF them! Woo!
And here’s the finished product, with Bridgit Mendler!
We had some fun posing with Jackson Rathbone too (he played Jasper from the movie Twilight) and look we’re on youtube. Kewl.
And they kept coming! It’s raining suits and gowns! Hallelujah!
Even Olympic silver medalist April Ross was there, loud and proud!
Leven Rambin from the Hunger Games!!!
Nina Dobrev from The Vampire Diaries. She had a lot of fans there.
Kate Walsh! Hello Dr. Addison Montgomery! Ugh, she was too fast, I didn’t get a pic with her! Oh no!
Well, maybe this will do. Extra! Extra!
Here are the rest. There are a lot of it, ready?!
The picture I took with Jackson Rathbone…
This next girl is really sweet and pretty, I just didn’t get her name. Uh, help?
From The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, Amadou Ly
Savannah Jayde from Big Time Rush…
Billy Unger, from National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets…
Also from Big Time Rush and My Name Is Earl, Kelli Goss
Super cute Allison Miller. She’s appeared in Kings, Terra Nova, and Go On…
Remember Seth from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn? Here’s Booboo Stewart. He WASN’T in the Yogi Bear cartoons…
Booboo has a sister, Fivel Stewart, and she’s an actress, as well as a martial artist. Cool, isn’t it?
From the TV series The Secret Life of The American Teenager and the movie 13 Going on 30, Renee Olstead…
Here’s Cassie Scerbo, from the movie Bring It On: In It to Win It and the TV series Make It Or Break It…
Made appearances on Two and a Half Men, House M.D., and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Melanie Lynskey. Hmm she looks naked on this picture…
Another one whose name I didn’t get…
Sometimes, you think you’re taking a picture, but you’ve actually hit the record video button! So here’s my awful chinless and foreheadless shot with Nicholas Braun. Known for his appearances on Red State, Prom, and just recently, The Watch…
Erin Wilhelmi. Look at this girls’ IMDB page and it’s written there that she graduated Summa Cum Laude with a BFA in Acting. Wow…
From A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas, Tom Kruszewski. Dude, how about considering removing the last 2 syllables of your name?
I didn’t get the names of these next three… maybe they’re not even actors! I got into a picture taking frenzy I really didn’t know anymore who’s the celeb and who’s not haha!
And then there’s Alex Frnka from MTV’s The Inbetweeners…
From How to Rock and Good Luck Charlie, Samantha Boscarino…
Julian Morris of ER, 24, and Pretty Little Liars..
Tyler Blackburn from Pretty Little Liars, Wendy, and Days of Our Lives…
Also from Dancing With The Stars, here’s Aussie Peta Murgatroyd…
Hatty Potter fans you’ll know this girl for sure, it’s Ginny Weasley, Bonnie Wright!
And now, for the main event of the evening, EMMA WATSON! ***explosions!!!!***
Here’s the video that I took:
Yep. Poor quality. I’m an awesome videographer. Not!
The main cast arrived all at the same time, I was wondering why they had a cardboard cut out of somebody with them. Apparently, it was a picture of Logan Lerman, the guy who plays the lead role. He can’t be there but they had to promote no matter what, hence, cardboard. Nice to see you, Cardboard Logan!
Now’s the climax! I gotta get a photo op with Emma. This was what I’ve been waiting for the whole day! It felt like the place got so crowded coz the main cast were all there, with some other people I didn’t know. Come on people, give me and Emma some space!
And now here she is right in front of us!!! Let’s do this!!!
Aww. Anticlimactic moment. The girl beside me asked for a photo and she said, “I’m sorry I can’t, just signing.” Bummer. Total bummer. But then again, how many people can say a rejection statement and still sound so adorable?! Listen to it again. Then again. And again! What a lovely accent. That should be in my answering machine. “I’m sorry I can’t take your call right now, my accent’s too lovely.” That would we be super cool. Though I gotta say I was still pretty disappointed. I only wanted one picture. Just one picture with Emma. I ended up having so many, but without her. Well, it’s still a pretty good bargain, isn’t it? Haha. It’s alright Emma. Maybe next time.
Okay so that’s a wrap. Had a great time at the red carpet. I want just one last picture: me walking on the red carpet and waving haha. Who wouldn’t want that? Come on, that would be cool right? Though I know they won’t allow us. Let’s go home. Oh wait. WAIT! We’re not done! Somebody’s coming, and he’s got movie passes! AAAAHHHH!!! We’re gonna get movie passes!
He gave the passes to us, and let us walk on the red carpet towards the cinema. WHAT?! We’re gonna WALK ON THE RED CARPET?! Oh hell yeah! I had two dreams when I was a kid, (A) walk on the moon and (B) walk on the red carpet. I guess B is now fulfilled! I wonder when A will be. Hmm. I just had to record this moment. I can’t even hide the excitement on my face!
We got in! I lost my company without me realizing, I think they went to the restroom, so I got inside the dark cinema by myself. I didn’t know where to sit so I just sat wherever I felt most comfy. I realized there’s a seating order written at the bottom of the ticket so I asked an usher where I’m supposed to be. It was high up, nowhere close to the comfy chair I was seated at. She pointed it to me but then it got so dark it was hard to walk. Oh well, I decided to stay instead. I’ll just stand up if somebody asked me to move. I saw Shawn Johnson the Olympic gymnast walking towards her seat just a few rows in front of me. Wow. Who else might be close by? I dunno. It was too dark to tell. Nobody asked me to move, so my butt stayed. And finally the movie started. *clap clap clap!!!*
Fast forward to the movie ending. *clap clap clap again*
It was a nice movie! I’ll just link the trailer here so I don’t reveal too much haha. Please watch the movie! Coming soon to a theater near you!
When the movie was done, we were ushered outside the cinema. It seemed like they were telling us all to go to a particular direction. Okaayyy… I think I’m supposed to exit right but the crowd is going left. I think I’m lost. I didn’t know where to go. And then I saw Rumer Willis so I followed her coz she’s the one person I knew the most in this crowd. It’s like “hey, we talked a while ago, we’re friends now…so where are we going?” haha but then she turned while the rest of the crowd were going straight. I followed the bigger crowd instead, I didn’t know they were all going to the after party. Ha. Wrong way. I’m not there yet. When am I gonna get there? We’ll see. I need to watch How To Lose Friends and Alienate People (with Simon Pegg) again and get tips.
So the night ended for me but the story hasn’t. I said something about seeing our faces on the internet the next day, didn’t I? So yep! I found some…
there’s one on www.aceshowbiz.com…
…and look, I’m on Nina Dobrev’s Website! Taking a nap!
And some more…
Okay I’m totally just ego tripping now, searching for my own face haha. I got nothing else to do right now, let me! And look, another one!
Then, the news broke out. Emma Watson had a wardrobe malfunction during the event! Poor Emma! But I’m glad it’s just the pasty that showed, not a full blown nip slip. It’s all good.
Here’s a short video from Maximotv.com: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VvLwSSce4K8#!
You’ve gotta see that because at 0:13, I’m on the freaking screenshot!!! And HEYYY! The view is on the left. On the left! Stop looking in there! Nothing to see there you perv! Haha my moment with Emma was captured on camera after all! It’s not the best but, well, it’s okay, I guess.
And I’m also an extra here!
Hmmm yeah you’re probably right. It’s pretty awkward that while your favorite celebrity is having a near nip-slip, you’re seen right there on the background… and you’re taking a picture! I’m so sorry Emma! Next time, we’ll have really really nice pictures together!
Whew. Never in my life did I expect that I’ll be walking on the red carpet and never did I expect as well that I’ll have a picture with my favorite celebrity while she’s having a wardrobe malfunction. As awkward as this maybe, my super unexpected Hollywood red carpet moment is something I’ll never ever forget in this lifetime.